filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
