life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
