I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
