Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
