We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
