Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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