So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
