She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
