I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I supernannyed him into submission
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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