All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
