so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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