Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
