She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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