I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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