Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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