Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
