I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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