would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
