He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
