there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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