i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Your penis caused this!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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