You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
