and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
