if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
