On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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