Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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