how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
