these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
