capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
