im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
