i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
