Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
