she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
