Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
