True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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