I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
