Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
