Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
