thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
