I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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