I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
