Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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