the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
