Pappa wants mamma naked
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
