oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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