It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
