Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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