OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
