Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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