Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
