shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
