Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
